On Chipotle.
As a college student in the 21st century, it dawned on me that my contemporary college experience would be remiss without at least one visit to the local Chipotle restaurant, a staple franchise of college towns all across the United States. In my high school days, my friends and I would frequent (and I mean, really frequent) our town’s Taco Bell, because…well, it was cheap, and we had little else to do. Consequently, almost all of our stories from high school start or end at Taco Bell. Since high school, however, I have laid off of the Mexican fast food, mostly because it’s never been very appealing to my palate. I haven’t even found a Taco Bell outside of my hometown that I enjoy eating at.
Having said that, I will eat pretty much anything, and I am always up for new experiences, regardless of how many times in the past I’ve tried “something different” at a restaurant and come away disappointed. So, I enlisted the help of a friend who was a Chipotle veteran to embark upon my quest to this well-revered and much discussed home of burritos. Chipotle’s main competition, at least in the city where our college is, is Qdoba, and for my money, I can’t really tell the two apart. They both seem like quasi-upscale establishments that charge twice the reasonable amount for glorified bastardizations of Mexican cuisine. I decided to be open-minded, however, and I forked over $8 (!) for a two-pound burrito and fountain drink. Mind you, I could get a feast that would feed an entire family for $8 at Taco Bell. I wanted guacamole in my burrito, but they told me that would be extra, so I passed on it. I ended up getting a barbacoa burrito on the recommendation of a podcast where the hosts were discussing their affection for Chipotle, and in truth, it was pretty delicious.
Having not eaten anything all day prior to visiting Chipotle, I was easily able to put away the entire burrito, which I’ve heard is not an easy feat. We gathered our belongings and headed off to the library, wherein, upon arrival, I immediately felt my stomach begging me to purge it of its contents, which I did (that wording makes it sound like I have an eating disorder, but no worries, this was done through the “natural” process). I felt better…for a while. Then I had to use the bathroom again. And again. Even when I woke up the next day having not eaten anything else since visiting Chipotle, it felt like anything in my body that was not a vital organ or blood was making a hasty escape for the outside world via my stool. Indeed, Chipotle is a fierce enemy of the intestinal tract. I feel lucky to have escaped this culinary experience intact without any sort of internal hemorrhaging. It really was that bad. Contemplating this, I have decided to avoid Chipotle for the near future, as well as Qdoba for good measure.
How all of the 90 lb. girls with fake tans on campus can eat this stuff every day remains a mystery to me.
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Date: March 27, 2010
File under: food near-death experience slightly sexist the college experience college
